America's Uncle Sam is Hospitalized Today

Following his admission to the hospital today, Uncle Sam quietly admitted he was experiencing painful health issues. He said: “The executive, legislative and judicial branches of my nation’s heart are failing its citizens. They lack initiative, strength of character and are irresponsible. In short, they are feckless. The dream carefully described in the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution of the United States is fading. Many citizens have no work, feel alone and have lost hope. My national currency is being devalued at home and in the world. My citizens feel increasingly dependent on government promises based on lies. My nation is accused of practicing racism and economic, social and geographical theft.”

Near tears, he blurted: “I lament the impact of the 17^th Amendment, the destruction of our health care system, the movement to adopt Common Core’s historical inaccuracies and child centered propaganda sold as education reform, unrestrained bureaucratic agencies with countless regulations and the growing acceptance of a dangerous progressive philosophy which is clearly destructive to self reliance while promoting the growth of personal entitlement.”

            He began coughing and his physician quietly added, “Uncle Sam is greatly weakened by rampant progressivism. His cancer is like a noxious weed which has deeply hidden roots. He will, however, recover and thrive when they are uprooted and destroyed.”

History confirms that on September 7, 1813 the nickname Uncle Sam was linked to Samuel Wilson (1766-1854) a meat packer from Troy, New York. Wilson supplied barrels of beef to the United States Army during the War of 1812. He stamped his barrels with "U.S." for United States. Soldiers began referring to the grub as "Uncle Sam's." The local newspaper picked up on the story and Uncle Sam ultimately became the nickname for our government.
Printed in the Alpena News on Saturday, September 6, 2014